


Zelda's Calamity

by 1two3five



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Alternate Universe, Analingus, Ass Play, Cosmic Scale Event, F/F, F/M, Goddesses, Hyper Scat, Other, Portals, Romance, Scat, Way too Much Detail, absurdity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27004420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1two3five/pseuds/1two3five
Summary: (Breath of the Wild/Age of Calamity) Zelda, using an alternate sealing method, manages to successfully contain Calamity Ganon before it goes out of control, saving Hyrule and preventing Link and her four champions from falling. However, the catch with this method? It used her own body as a container. Unforseen consequences arise as the princess now has to acclimate to the full power of the Calamity within her body.Please mind the tags.
Relationships: Hylia/Purah (Legend of Zelda), Link/Zelda (Legend of Zelda), Purah & Zelda (Legend of Zelda)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Zelda's Calamity

**Author's Note:**

> !!!LAST WARNING FOR PEOPLE NOT INTO SCAT STUFF!!!
> 
> Hello again! In my newfound furor to put all my super niche, over the top fetishes out into the world instead of staying locked up in my brain forever, I've created another cartoonishly ludicrous hyper scat story, this time with one of my favorite games of all time! I'm looking forward to Age of Calamity, and thought I'd do a bit of an alternate take on those events before it comes out. I absolutely adore young Purah and Impa.
> 
> Once again a bit of a disclaimer in case you didn't see my previous scat story, while it's admittedly rather silly to try and disassociate human waste from the "filth" aspect of it, that's nonetheless the way I've come to enjoy it, so apologies for people looking for something a bit grosser. My tastes are weird and specific! In any case thanks for reading!

The Calamity Ganon's rise had been halted in its tracks, thanks to the sealing powers of Zelda. Though she had struggled for years in her attempts to master it, it was a bit of last second encouragement from her bodyguard, the hero chosen by the Master Sword, Link, that allowed her to finally break through whatever mental barriers she had in place and successfully seal the beast within her. The four champions were nearly killed while attempting to pilot their Divine Beasts by powerful offshoots of Ganon, but they managed to survive long enough for Zelda's sealing to weaken these blights, allowing the champions to prevail.

The day was won. Hyrule had been saved from the Calamity, despite all hope seeming lost, and her four champions and her hero were all a bit battered and bruised but still with her. However, sealing away the Calamity did not come without a cost. It was rather difficult on Zelda's body. To put it bluntly, Zelda had never had to shit so bad in her life. Unable to withstand the immense pressure in her bowels, she let loose.

When it first started, Link was in a bit of a daze. He'd just gone through the most treacherous battle of his life, nearly dying on multiple occasions. He wasn't entirely sure he hadn't just died and landed in some kind of bizarre purgatory. He just sort of stared at her. At Zelda, the woman he'd sworn to protect, spewing pounds and pounds and pounds of thick brown logs from her rear, the back of her dress long shredded from the initial wave. After only a few minutes, the pile behind her was nearly the size of a Guardian already, and she was kneeled on the ground, panting and pushing, seemingly not able, or perhaps not wanting, to stop the flow.

Link finally snapped out of it and ran over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder, asking her what was wrong, or how to help, or offering some kind of solace, but really, he had no idea what to do. This was beyond him. Fighting monsters? Not a problem. Battling Yiga Clan shinobi? Easy. Combat the greatest terror the world had ever seen? Well, they'd apparently managed it. But this? Watching the princess he had sworn his life to protect dumping ass in the middle of a field, releasing so much waste that he was worried it might eventually topple over onto them? He was stumped.

Zelda, in her aggrieved state, simply grabbed Link's hand and clasped it tight. She said nothing, held her eyes closed, and squeezed. Link could do nothing but the same. The two of them sat there, holding on for dear life. Zelda, focusing what little power she had left on attempting to stem the flow of turds out of her widened anus, and Link, trying his best to offer emotional support for her when she clearly needed it. Eventually, gradually, it slowed down, after Zelda had already unleashed a small mountain of shit behind her. A few minutes passed as she made sure no more would force its way out, and opened her eyes to look at her hero. All he could offer was a relieved smile that she was okay, and as tears welled up in her eyes she hugged him as tight as she could. He patted her on the head, offering whatever small comfort he was able, as she quietly informed him that she could tell that was barely a fraction of the Calamity's power. They had a long road ahead of them.

~~~~~~

Zelda and Link had embraced next to her excretion until the champions arrived. Revali was about to make some kind of comment about it but Urbosa had grabbed his beak shut before he could. The other three could tell something serious was afoot and knew it wasn't the time for jokes. Mipha quickly ran to the pair's side and assisted Link in comforting the distressed girl. They gathered the two responsible for sealing the Calamity and brought them to Hyrule Castle to inform the King of what had happened.

At the castle, they discussed the matter with King Rhoam, quickly summoning the sheikah scientist Purah from her laboratory in Hateno Village to try and help figure out what was happening. The champions assured the exhausted princess that everything would be alright and set off to see how the rest of Hyrule had been affected, and if any of the Calamity's influence remained. They departed and Zelda, Link, and the king continued talks. At Zelda's behest, they had moved to the unused Sanctum, the largest room in the castle, in case of an emergency.

Purah arrived a few hours after being summoned, instructed only that it was an emergency relating to Princess Zelda and to arrive as fast as she could. In the prime of her youth, Purah had little time for things other than her research or new discoveries, but she'd always harbored romantic feelings for the princess, and was able to be pulled away from any project if it were for the sake of Zelda. She made her way through the castle halls, having just arrived and been told where she was needed by a maid. The castle was as grand as ever, wide open corridors and spacious rooms with high ceilings. Purah never saw the appeal of such lavish indulgence, personally. As she neared the Sanctum, she spotted King Rhoam himself, standing outside of a door with a furrowed brow and a concerned look on his face. She could hear what was clearly Princess Zelda in the Sanctum, groaning and moaning, as.... some other kind of sound was made. The more curious thing about it was that these sounds weren't echoing, the way sounds should in spaces that massive.

She greeted the king and he briefly informed Purah of the situation. He asked her to figure out what was wrong with his daughter and if there was anything to be done about it. King Rhoam was a bit taken aback at how excited the scientist seemed to be upon hearing this, not at all put-off by what was happening. She was always a curious one, after all. She'd been briefly employed directly at Hyrule Castle but was quickly relocated far, far away. Rhoam knew of Purah's feelings for his daughter, as did anyone who spent more than half a day nearby the two of them, and while he was far from her biggest fan, he had long ago made a personal vow not to interfere in Zelda's love life. This was mostly in order to assuage his own guilt over the pressure he'd put upon her for so much of the rest of her youth. No, he'd had Purah moved simply due to the recklessness of her experiments and the frequency with which he'd received reports of her troublemaking endeavors from castle staff.

Purah entered the room, and just as she'd remembered, this was an enormous space, possibly the biggest within the castle, but it had gone unused for several decades for various reasons. Zelda's noises should have been echoing as though it were a cavern. However, for it to echo, there needed to be empty space. There was almost none left. Zelda, mere paces away from the entrance, was doubled over, hugging her guardian hero as hard as she could while he comforted her, and spewing out supernaturally massive amounts of fecal matter. Purah was speechless. This was unprecedented, impossible, this defied the laws of physics, of mass, of reality itself! And yet here they were, in a grand hall packed with shit and getting more packed by the second. The entire back half of the room had completely vanished, and the front half was filling at an alarming rate.

Zelda's grip on Link tightened, and with a great struggle, she somehow managed to stem the flow of shit, slowly, before eventually it ceased entirely and her hole closed back up to its natural state, seemingly unaffected by what had been happening today. She'd just barely managed to stop it before the three of them were crushed against the front of the room, leaving what amounted to a broom closet's worth of space where they were. Eventually Zelda's eyes opened and she spotted Purah. The two of them said nothing, but she pulled away from Link's hug and began blushing furiously, hiding her face in her hands, muttering about how embarrassing this was and apologizing to Purah. The Sheikah scientist, however, was in awe. She had never seen anything like this before. She _had_ to know what was going on inside Zelda's body.

~~~~~~

Purah arrived at the hypothesis that Zelda would need to release the Calamity's power gradually over time in order to “purify” it, though Purah hesitated when saying the word purify, for obvious reasons. Over the next 48 hours, Zelda would do her best to hold it all in, but couldn't take it and had to release the pressure twice a day. She knew the castle's plumbing would obviously be of no use so she tried to go outside, but with the castle interior being so big, she ended up with about a 50% success rate for actually _getting_ outside. This... resulted in quite a lot of Hyrule Castle inaccessible. Purah, while staying at the castle to study Zelda's problem, brought up that a large portion of Hyrule was surrounded by enormous chasms, and were thought to be bottomless by many, though she had always had her logical doubts. She suggested the princess take up temporary residence on one of the outer edges of the continent, and simply unload into the vast abyss below. Most of the outer edges of Hyrule were uninhabited, and there were precious few spots within Hyrule capable of containing something like this. Conflicted about this course of action though he was, he had no choice when Zelda herself insisted, saying she didn't want to endanger the residents of Hyrule Castle or the town anymore than she had by coming home.

Castle staff quickly packed her things and the princess absconded from the castle with Zelda giving her father a quick peck on the cheek and bidding him goodbye. She said she'd hope to be done with this soon and that she'd see him again. Link and Purah obviously came with, the former bringing his usual gear, plus some extra camping essentials, and the latter carrying a knapsack full of food. After stopping a few times for Zelda to try and discreetly unload a few stories tall buildings made of feces in some formerly monster-occupied areas, they arrived at the Akkala cliffs. As they neared an empty cabin Link had seen on a prior trip here. He set down his belongings only to hear the clik-clok of footsteps. Zelda was running to the edge of the cliff, and for a split second Link's bodyguard reflexes started to move as thought she might jump, but instead she stopped on a dime, quickly turned around, pulled down her pants, and began launching shit out of her ass at unbelievable speeds, and in quantities none of them though possible, even in this ridiculous of a situation.

Now that they had reached their temporary new settlement, Purah immediately began her research. She was all over Zelda, observing, darting around, asking questions, all of which Zelda answered with a strained, but oddly satisfied, voice. It was almost like she was enjoying herself. If it weren't so dense and solid, Purah might have thought of it as a fountain. However it was closer to if a dragon had decided to arc down into the misty depths of the canyon below, as it was a single, absurdly thick, unbroken rope of shit. Purah's assistant Robbie had been contacted and tasked with bringing Purah's equipment from the Hateno Lab, and arriving shortly after the others, seemingly unfazed by what was happening and the fact that Purah was so enthralled with it, simply set up shop, unpacking, knowing that Purah would want access to it right away. It took close to an hour for Zelda to stop shitting. Purah wasn't entirely sure she couldn't have kept going if she wanted.

~~~~~~

A few days passed on this clifftop, with Link going out and fighting monsters and gathering supplies as Purah and Robbie wiled away the hours in between Zelda's “releases” studying various things. Their main focus were samples of the excrement and Zelda's body, though in particular Purah seemed rather taken with Zelda's butt. Whenever Zelda wasn't unloading into the chasm, Purah would take the opportunity to “study” Zelda's anus, which, while she did learn a few things, she shared very little of it with the others. It was plainly obvious to all three of them that the primary source of her motivation was sexual in nature, though. She'd eaten out Zelda's ass about a dozen times since they'd been here, locking the cabin from the inside and going to town any time Link was out of earshot, which Zelda, oddly, had been totally okay with. It seemed the Calamity's influence had altered her slightly. She was still the same loving princess she always had been, but apparently spending about a third of your day shitting your brains out into an enormous ravine didn't exactly make you more chaste. By the fourth day they'd stopped waiting for Link to leave and would just engage in analingus any time Purah got bored of her work.

Of course, Link got a bit of action as well, as Zelda had started giving Link blowjobs at night before bed. He certainly wasn't going to refuse the offer, anyway. Purah didn't seem to mind, or at least she wasn't the clingy jealous type. On the sixth day, however, one of Zelda's calamitous shits had worked her up to the point where she demanded Link kneel in front of her and present his cock, while still in the middle of unloading. Link wasn't entirely sure what to make of this, but again, a blowjob is a blowjob, and she was clearly in some kind of distress and needed soothing, so the hero obliged. To say having your dick sucked while the girl sucking you is pooping probably hundreds and hundreds of pounds out into a vast natural toilet directly in front of you is something of an understatement. Link cared deeply for her, though, and would do anything she asked.

The other champions would visit often, sometimes popping in when Zelda was “indisposed” and shooting the breeze with Link and Robbie until she was free to speak to them. The four of them had been watching over the rest of Hyrule in Link and Zelda's absence, making sure the Calamity's influence hadn't come back. It seems whatever process was happening in Zelda's body really was purifying Ganon's power.

~~~~~~

After about 2 weeks living in this cabin at the edge of Hyrule, a worrying development had emerged: it turned out the chasm around the continent wasn't as bottomless as a lot of citizens had long rumored. They were getting full. The entire ravine as far as they could see in either direction, was about to be completely filled with Zelda's shit. They needed to pack up and head elsewhere, and after a somewhat laborious trek that involved several bathroom breaks, the four of them, Link and Robbie carrying Purah's research equipment, arrived at a secluded area with more cliffs and valleys to fill. According to the map they were roughly due north of Hyrule Castle, past the Lost Woods and square between the Eldin and Hebra regions. There weren't any prebuilt dwellings nearby, so Link and Robbie got to work building a quick place to sleep. It was far from the work of a master craftsman, but it would protect them from the rain and monsters, which was enough for now, as they all more or less knew they wouldn't be here long; the second they'd arrived, Zelda took her usual place in front of and above the very much NOT bottomless valley, bearing down and letting the Calamity out.

Link, Purah, and Robbie had a serious discussion about what they were going to do. Purah was uncharacteristically quiet for most of the conversation, as Zelda's moans and excretory noises filled the air. In fact, the last few days she'd been almost completely lost in thought and not even taking time to study Zelda, nor have any casual sex with her. Link and Robbie mostly talked about the practicalities of the situation, saying they'd need to move west into Hebra, and that they'd need some cold weather gear for the journey. Purah piped up for the first time after a few minutes and told the others that she had an idea, one that she'd need to go back to her main lab in order to figure out. She assured them she knew everything she needed to know about Zelda's condition, and had come to a conclusion yesterday that she was now going to put into action. She instructed Link and Robbie to keep Zelda happy with whatever she needed and departed.

Most of what Zelda needed at this point was more room. She needed toilet space. The rate at which she was shitting into the void seemed to be increasing, with fewer breaks in between and greater loads released at once. The valley below had filled in less than a week after arriving. Zelda had started to become rather unbothered by this whole thing. She was still enjoying herself as her bowels packed the world underneath her, but wasn't too worried about what would happen anymore the way she had been at first. The trio made the incredibly slow, arduous journey across the edges of the Hebra Mountains, filling the chasm as they went, not staying in any location for more than a day before they could spot the top layer of shit approaching from beneath the mist.

They more or less traced their way around Hyrule, eventually reaching the cliffs surrounding the Gerudo Desert by the end of the week. Tempted as Zelda was to point her ass directly out toward the sands of the desert, Purah had made it to their location. How she was able to track them to this point, Link wasn't sure, but she seemed to be carrying a device of some kind. Clearly some kind of Sheikah tech, it looked like a simple ring about 12 inches in diameter, with some straps attached to it. Purah knelt down to speak face to face with Zelda, currently in the middle of birthing more matter into the world than should be physically possible, and gently lifted her chin. After a gentle kiss on the lips she asked Zelda if she would be able to stop for just a moment. Zelda, unsure if she could, said she'd try. Somehow, miraculously, the flow suddenly ceased, as Zelda quivered, desperately holding on. Purah worked quickly, fixing the ring to Zelda's backside, which had grown a fair bit over the weeks. Purah had noticed, and pulled the straps up around her legs, waist, and shoulders in such a way that the device was now secured against her cheeks. Nearly at her limit, Zelda let out a pained noise, signaling that Purah's opportunity was nearly spent, as she pressed some kind of button and in the center of the ring, what was formerly Zelda's gorgeous butt, all Link could see was a strange, otherworldly blue pattern. It didn't look natural, almost like it was.... some kind of anti-matter.

As soon as Purah pressed the button and gave the OK to Zelda, the princess let it all out.... or did she? Nothing was happening. Link and the others could tell that she was shitting, as she had the same glazed over smile on her face she always did when she was unleashing her Calamity, but.... there was nothing coming out of the other side of this device. Link shot a worried look to Purah, who was giving Zelda a warm, almost motherly smile. As she finally noticed Link's face, she stood back up and walked over to him and Robbie, her smile fading from the warm, motherly one to a rather grim stare, seemingly looking between the two of them.

When they were out of earshot of Zelda, not that she'd be listening in that state, Purah told them what she'd figured out. Apparently, something had gone wrong during the sealing. While this method _was_ in fact meant to utilize a person's bodily functions to filter whatever they were sealing inside it, the devil was in the details on this one. Because Zelda hadn't fully mastered the technique, it wasn't a complete success the way they'd thought. Instead of gradually releasing the power of Calamity Ganon through her backside, which would have been a tremendous amount of poop to deal with, no doubt about that, in actuality, none of it had left her. This was some kind of screwed up synergy, and Zelda had actually been _empowered_ by the Calamity. It wasn't turning her into a second Ganon, but rather.... well, they'd seen what was happening to her. Based on what Purah had concluded after her studies and experimentation, apparently, Zelda's hyperactive bowels would never actually stop, and would increase in productivity exponentially as she fully acclimated to the Calamity's full power. She'd realized this a few days before she left, and had hurried back to her main lab in order to create the ring she'd affixed to Zelda's ass.

This ring was actually an interdimensional portal. Purah had been working on it as a backburner hobby for awhile but upon realizing what was going to happen to Hyrule if Zelda were left unchecked, she rushed back to finish her prototype after several all-nighters. Link's face broke out into a smile, as he figured that would solve their problems, and asked what kind of empty pocket dimension it led to. Purah said nothing for a few seconds, not looking him in the eye. He repeated the question, with a slightly more accusatory tone, not liking how long it was taking to get a response out of the woman. He grabbed her shoulders and shouted, asking where it went, which drew Zelda's attention for a brief moment as she drunkenly glanced over and asked what was happening. Purah, without turning around, assured her it was nothing important, and told her to just enjoy herself. After a bit of a blank stare, Zelda was more than happy to oblige and gave an even greater push, truly relieving herself with no worries for the first time. Link stared at Purah, waiting for an answer. She couldn't look him in the eyes.

She told him the truth: she had no idea.

~~~~~~

Link sheathed his sword, having slain the last of the enemies as their dark energy reconverged into the portal they had fallen from and turned it into a stable one that he and Midna could use to travel back here in the future. She popped out of his shadow and gave the usual teasing compliments he expected from her, before reminding him of their next objective. He consulted his map for a brief moment before picking a direction and hopping back onto Epona, riding off into the distance.

What he and Midna didn't notice was a second portal opening nearby the one they'd just left. This one looked different, though. The design of the outer rim would have been unfamiliar to either the shapeshifter or the imp, and the center.... appeared to be a person's.... butt? Completely uncovered, twitching anus winking at the world below, there was now a floating ass in the sky above Hyrule Field.

Link and Midna heard the rumble of what felt like an earthquake, stopping in their tracks near Eldin Bridge. Link drew his sword and hopped off Epona, but saw nothing. He turned slightly and noticed Midna looking where they had just come from, eyes wide and mouth agape. The would-be Hero of Twilight quickly turned around, ready for a fight.... but after about three seconds of dumbfounded staring, sheathed his blade and hopped back on Epona, crossing Eldin Bridge and attempting to get as far as he possibly could from the encroaching wave.

~~~~~~

Zelda sat in Urbosa's bedroom, shitting her brains out, unable to move or really function without someone to help her. It had been 3 days since Purah had turned on the portal device, and the three of them would proceed to carry a squirming, writhing, squealing Zelda from the clifftop down into the desert and eventually Gerudo Village. Normally Link and Robbie would have been barred from entry but Urbosa made an exception and brought all four of them into the capital building, placing Zelda in her chambers for the time being.

Purah, with an incredible amount of guilt in her voice, explained what the device was to Urbosa, Link, and Robbie. Rather than a portal to another dimension, as she'd hoped to arrive at some day, it was limited to the same dimension they currently resided in. However, it was able to cross over to various other split timelines within this dimension. She wasn't able to select when or where the other end would come out, and was unfortunately forced to hope it was somewhere with a lot of free space. She also deduced that ever since Zelda was told to “enjoy herself” she'd completely lost all her inhibitions about shitting too much, the worry that she'd damage her kingdom vanished thanks to Purah's device. She hadn't stopped since. She seemed to not need food or sleep, or even water anymore. It appeared that she had more or less fully absorbed the energy of the Calamity, and she'd become some kind of eternally shitting demigoddess from it. She simply let her infinite bowels release into some other timeline, and the others knew it was only a matter of time before she'd filled it up.

~~~~~~

Captain Tetra could feel a storm coming. She peered out her eyeglass out onto the horizon of the Great Sea and saw nothing but calm waters. But she felt the presence of something.... big. Her crew were busy bees as usual, as she ran a tight ship, but she had a feeling nothing was going to prepare them for this. Her first mate, Link, approached and she put the eyeglass down to give him a look. He could feel it too, and they both nodded.

She commanded the crew that there was a change of plans, and they were going to hunker down back at their base, the Forbidden Fortress, which they'd taken over after clearing out the last of the monsters a few years back. They gave her an aye-aye as they continued flittering around the ship, soon altering their course back to base.

What Tetra and Link were feeling, but not able to notice out on the open sea, was that the level of the water was increasing, and it was slowly but surely changing color, soon no longer the deep blue they had grown up with. By the time they arrived back at base, they finally noticed the water was turning an offputting green, and that several feet of the Forbidden Fortress were now submerged. Were they experiencing another great flood? Wasn't Ganon taken care of already? Why was it green?

Their questions wouldn't be answered, as it soon shifted from green to brown, and as suddenly as it swelled, the sea level fell, and it continued to fall, seemingly being absorbed into whatever was beneath it. A few hours later and the water was eventually replaced by a solid mass. Within a day, the Great Sea had disappeared and was replaced with a vast ocean of shit. And it was rising.

~~~~~~

Purah was getting worried. She'd had Zelda moved back to her main lab with her in order to continue tinkering with the portal. It had only been two months and she'd already needed to recalibrate it to new points three times. From what she was able to glean, this thing seemed to magnetize toward significant points of history in a timeline, such as during or shortly before or after a great battle or conflict, or the rise of a hero.

There was a setting to make the blue glow of the portal, common of Sheikah tech, turn red whenever the universe it was pointed to was nearing max capacity. Purah had initially expected the first timeline to last for several years, if not decades, before she needed to switch to a new one. After all, even if the princess flooded the entire world in shit.... which she was certainly going to do to that poor reality.... it's not like there's only one world. There were an unfathomable number of worlds out there even in their own little splinter of history, space was vast! Nearly infinite! But there was a limit. And Zelda had hit that limit. Three times. She'd filled three Hyrules' entire universes with shit in two months. Her rate was climbing even faster than Purah anticipated. She was having the time of her life, drowned in pleasure morning to night, while Purah was trying to figure out any upgrade she could tack onto this thing without needing to deactivate it, at risk of flooding the entirety of THEIR Hyrule. She felt bad about inflicting this fate on all those other Hyrules but not bad enough to stop doing it.

She'd also managed to cobble together a display to provide Purah with some info on when and where the portal was opening. She'd missed the first one but apparently the second was a timeline the display referred to as “Hero of Winds' Victory on the Great Sea.” She had no idea what that could've been referring to. The third was something about a Sleeping Princess and the Hero's Shadow. The display currently read “Twin Realms' Heroes Travel the Ages and Wield the Seasons” and Purah, scratching her head, could only hope that that meant this "twin realms" business was a two for one deal on toilet space.

~~~~~~

Ganon chuckled as he watched the battle unfold. Trapped though he was in his dark prison, his power was nearly restored and he was able to view his two pawns Veran and Onox as they engaged with the identical Hero of each of their timelines. These were a pair of universes bound closer than most, and using these fools he would finally return, regardless of which it was.

He'd been watching Veran's fight more closely, as he'd always felt she was a more capable pawn, but he turned to look at how Onox was faring and.... Curious. They'd disappeared. There was nothing visible through Ganon's magic viewpoint except the color.... brown? What was going on? He glanced back over to Veran's battle and immediately noticed there was something wrong. Both the sorceress and the Hero had ceased fighting, as there was now some kind of enormous brown mass descending from the sky, flooding the land at an unfathomable rate. The dark king was furious but also confounded. Before he knew it, both of his views outside of his accursed prison were now submerged in some kind of.... something.

He used what power he'd gathered in preparation to return to open a few more viewpoints around the world and found that Onox's Hyrule was completely gone. Nothing was there but this mysterious matter. Veran's Hyrule... had also disappeared. Gone. Both worlds. Now neither was an option for the former king of thieves. He would have to reformulate his plans.

He opened a new viewpoint to a different universe, only to encounter the same thing. What was happening!? Were these on the fritz? Was his magic not as restored as he'd believed? He attempted to open another one, only for him to be punched in the face and blown away by Princess Zelda's light speed turd train. Ganon's prison dimension was just as on the menu to be Zelda's toilet as every other universe. Of course being a fairly small pocket dimension, it filled to capacity in a matter of minutes, and the portal closed and reopened elsewhere.

~~~~~~

Purah was staring at Zelda's ass. Not for the reasons she wished she could, but because she knew it was only a matter of time before karma came back her way. It had been 5 months since Purah made Zelda wear this portal device in order to dump infinite ass into other timelines. She'd been working on upgrades nonstop; about a month ago she'd managed to install a setting so when the universe got full, instead of just warning you with a red light so you could manually change the destination point, it automatically found a new universe. This let Purah work with fewer distractions on future upgrades, yes, but.... Zelda's output had progressed to the point where the light would turn red.... every five minutes. Then it would snap back to blue.

Princess Zelda was filling up a new universe to its absolute breaking point with her shit every. Five. Minutes. Purah had no idea what to do. She dropped to her knees. She was going to destroy reality.... or at least make it really, really full. Even if she finally finished the last steps to make the portal point to other dimensions without a Hyrule or a Hero or whatever, she didn't know if she could bring herself to do it. Her hands were shaking.

“Don't feel bad, darling Purah.”

Purah's eyes snapped open. That voice.... it was Zelda's, but.... it wasn't. It was sweet like honey. Warm like the embrace of a lover. Smooth like a fabric reserved for the most discerning of royal skin. And yet with an authority that gave Purah no choice but to follow her direction. She stopped worrying and looked at Zelda.... no, whoever this had become. She still looked like Zelda, but long gone was the unconfident eyes of a princess training to fulfill a great destiny. Gone even were the lust drunken eyes of someone on the brink of their mind breaking from pleasure. Tears welled in Purah's eyes as she bathed in the glow of what she could only assume was a true goddess.

“That's correct, dear Purah. You may call me.... Hylia.”

Purah was speechless in Hylia's presence. She sniffled as she bowed down, the tears falling out of her eyes.

“Purah. Please do not treat me with such superiority. Though I may now be restored to my true self it is not as though I've completely erased Zelda from existence. She was always I, and I always her, from the day she came into this world. We are one in the same, our memories, our hearts, and our souls are bound for eternity.”  
  
Purah rose from her bow and gingerly asked Hylia why she'd returned to herself now of all times, and what would happen from here. She also noticed the portal had now started flashing at an alarming rate, going from red to blue to red again every few seconds. Hylia chuckled.

“Do not trouble yourself over this,” Hylia said, gesturing toward her bottom. “This is part of my grand design. You are not to blame for other worlds' fates; every other Hyrule that had been filled by Zelda's love while I still slumbered, I have restored and protected. In fact, your help has been much appreciated. You see, the creature you call “Calamity Ganon” was once a man named Ganondorf, consumed and overwhelmed by his dark power. That much is in the history books.”

Hylia motioned to bring Purah up into the bed to sit next to her.

“However, what has been lost to history is that the thief king Ganondorf was once part of me; a dark splinter of myself originally called Demise. He was defeated aeons ago but his will lingered, resurfacing after many long ages of peace, to bring strife unto Hyrule once more. Eventually Ganondorf, suffering defeat after defeat began to lose himself to Demise's power, becoming the Calamity, essentially an avatar of Demise himself. The sealing ritual Zelda used to contain the Calamity returned me to my complete self. It took some time for Zelda's mortal body to acclimate to the change, but because of you, dear Purah, the process was able to complete far quicker. Had I, or Zelda rather, continued trying to restrain herself, it may have been years before I returned.... The sealing ritual was the first step, and your words of encouragement were the second.”

Hylia gently cupped Purah's face and laid a single kiss on her lips. Purah felt like she'd just experienced some kind of unknowable bliss. It was almost too much, but at the same time.... it was just right. Hylia giggled.

“Oh my dear Purah, you are so cute.”

Purah brought herself back to reality for just a moment, beginning to reiterate her question about what would happen to the other timelines, but Hylia shushed her with a finger on her lips.

“Didn't I say not to worry?”

Hylia stood, and though Purah had never paid special attention to how other people stood, she could instantly tell this was the most graceful rise and the most serene, wise stance anybody had ever taken. With a wink and a wave of her hand, Hylia made Purah's flashing portal device disappear. Purah, with a worried look, prompted Hylia to calm her.

“Unlike Zelda, I have full control over my bowels, and that includes where and how they release.”

~~~~~~

Fate worked in strange ways. It wasn't always set in stone, though it was pretty tough to change at times. Chrom and Robin had learned that the hard way. After they'd defeated Grima, an alternate timeline version of Robin, they and the Shepards continued protecting Ylisse. Lucina, Chrom's daughter from the future, had gone to the nation of Valm as a representitive for Ylisse while the rest of the Shepards' wayward heirs dotted the countryside, some remaining in Chrom's employ, others finding their own paths. They'd all changed their fates, and Chrom and Robin theirs.

There was almost certainly no changing this, however. The sky above no longer shone with the sun, or twinkled with the moon and stars. Morning to night, the sky, which seemed so free and light, had been replaced with a solid brown mass. It wasn't just that the sky had turned brown, no, it was as if an invisible barrier had been placed over the world, and outside it was now an infinite, solid, brown void. Nobody knew where it came from or what caused it, and it had been this way for nearly half a year. It hadn't moved or changed since it first arrived and settled around the world, and it seemed as though their day to day lives were unaffected, as it wasn't dangerous in any way.

So, life had moved on for the Shepards. They would continue to serve Ylisse under the vast brown sky, no matter what fate threw their way.

~~~~~~

Samus boarded her ship, her mission finally complete. She removed her helmet with a sigh before inputting the takeoff sequence and destination coordinates. She sat back and let the autopilot do its thing. As the ship exited the atmosphere, it entered fecal space. At some point a few years prior, for some reason, the universe suddenly and near instantaneously became packed to the brim with shit. There was no mistaking it, scientists had gathered and analyzed it, it was poop. There was some kind of supernatural quality to it, though, that made it different, like it didn't smell that bad and it wasn't messy at all. Nobody had figured out why these were the case, though some dedicated researchers were hellbent on figuring it out.

Luckily when it happened, Samus was on a Federation planet, and they were quickly able to deduce what had happened, and rebuild their spaceships, as well as anybody in their employ like Samus's, in order to travel through what had now been dubbed “fecal space.” Operations were able to resume as normal, though now what Samus and most of the Federation had been doing these last few years was rescuing or salvaging those caught on different worlds or even in the middle of fecal space when it happened. Somehow nearly every habitated and potentially habitable planet in the galaxy was spared from being crushed under it, as though there was some greater force at work protecting the universe. Even people trapped in spaceships that had been stuck in an infinite shit void somehow survived the time it took to get rescued.

Samus wasn't sure what had happened, but she had a feeling things would be fine like this, as she headed into her ship's bedroom, stripping off the last bits of her armor and getting ready to enjoy herself.

~~~~~~

Peach sipped her tea as she enjoyed the view. Daisy, in the much more horizontal chair beside her, was napping, cock out for the world to see. The evening sky was the usual unmoving mass of shit. Moments like this really got Peachy's motor running, as her own erection began to show itself. She put the tea cup down and sighed contentedly, before moving over to Daisy's seat and gently mounting her royal girlfriend in 69 position. She began to slowly bob up and down on Daisy's half-hard dick, which quickly caused it to rise to full attention. Daisy, a heavy sleeper to say the least, wasn't moving an inch.

Inspired by the beautiful view, Peach, pantyclad ass in Daisy's face, let out several logs to wake her up, though it took a few minutes for it to actually work, waking from her near coma shortly before ejaculating down Peach's throat. The two of them would spend the night alternating between basking in the view and fucking each other while shitting, but such was their life.

~~~~~~

Hylia closed the viewing portal with a gentle swish of the wrist. Showing Purah a number of other universes, even those originally unconnected to Hylia herself, all safe and sound, coccooned and protected by her never ending shit, accepting their new worlds and enjoying themselves, was enough to finally put Purah at ease. The tears returned, but they were tears of relief and happiness. Hylia embraced Purah in a hug, and the direct contact with the goddess gave Purah a shiver down her spine.  
  
“There there, my dear Purah. You mean the world to me. My love belongs to every living creature in this reality and all others, but, you are special. Even Link, to whom I owe so much, more than either of you could ever know, isn't quite my number one.”

Hylia then, much less gentle than she had been this entire time, planted her lips onto Purah's, and inserted her tongue into the young Sheikah's mouth. Purah's mind was taken to another realm, experiencing a pleasure she had never thought possible. It felt as though she was ascending to a higher state of being. It.... especially felt good in her ass. It seemed as though Hylia was sharing what she was feeling with Purah. So this was what it was like to infinitely fill the multiverse with shit.... what a sensation. No wonder Zelda had been so far gone before. This was... WONDERFUL! The young scientist had worked since she was a child to learn, to understand the secrets of the world, and hopefully someday other worlds as well.... but she could never have dreamed she'd not only be able to visit them all at once, but be able to fill them with waste. Even though she knew this wasn't actually _her_ doing, just the few moments she was linked to the one actually responsible for loading up reality after reality, timeline after timeline, with unending godly dumps, would have been enough of a high to last Purah the rest of her life and well beyond into whatever afterlife she might have been destined for.

When Hylia broke the kiss, Purah nearly dove in for seconds, but controlled herself, as there was a bit of the lingering sensation in her anus, which surprised her. It wasn't quite as overwhelming as the full experience, but as she sat there in a daze, even the shadow of such pleasure was clearly more than any mortal had ever felt, or was meant to feel.

“If you'll have me, dear Purah, I can share this with you.... from now on. There are infinite more universes left unprotected by my loving embrace, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. Anything and everything is my eternally filling toilet, and I want nothing more than to share the experience. Would you like to join me.... as a lover?”

Purah could only utter a simple, “.... yes.”

Hylia gave Purah a smile so bright it might have blinded her new partner, had the goddess not already begun sharing her power with her.  
  
“It is within my power to simply will it so that we are linked together.... but I'd prefer a much more fun method. One that Zelda had wanted to do for many years, but was always just too shy to request. Please, dear Purah, allow me to eat your ass.”  
  
If there had been a clock visible, Purah wouldn't have believed that only an hour had passed. To her it felt simultaneously like it was over in a second, and that it had also gone on for a century. The goddess Hylia, restored to her full power, buried her face in Purah's ass for a full 60 minutes, giving her both the greatest rimjob a mortal was ever likely to receive, but also slowly synchronizing their souls and senses. While getting anally tonguefucked by the goddess of goddesses, she was also, even more intensely than during their kiss from earlier, able to once again feel the infinite love Hylia would forevermore be stuffing into any and all universes that existed as well as all those that would come into existence for the rest of eternity. She had assumed a sensory link would be the extent of it, but Hylia had grander intentions. She was bestowing godhood unto Purah through the anus, and with it the capability to join her in her divine infinite shitting.

As she finished right at the 1 hour mark, Hylia enjoyed the sounds of Purah's climax. The three pronged assault of a godly butt blasting by Hylia's sublimely skilled lips and tongue, Purah's ascension into the realm of deities, and the nonstop fecal blessings Purah was now gifting unto the multiverses alongside Hylia was enough to tucker the poor girl out. Goddess though she had now become, she still needed a nap after all that, and collapsed onto the bed, her newly productive rear filling universe after universe with shit, one after the other. Hylia laid next to her, doing the same, as they would for the rest of time. She placed her hand on the unconscious Purah's, who reflexively grasped it, causing Hylia to blush and let out a slight giggle. After a peck on the forehead, the two shitting goddesses slumbered together, resting in preperation for the eons that lay ahead.

**Author's Note:**

> I may have a bit of a habit for reiteration and over-explanation, if you couldn't tell. Finding a balance between the parts of my brain that are telling me "alright asshole move it along, they get it, she's shitting a lot" versus "what, that's it!? This is erotica, you can't just leave it at 'and then she shit a lot!' Expand on it a little!" can be tough.
> 
> I originally had Link as the perspective point but as the story progressed it had clearly become more about Purah, so I went back and reworked the first half. Apologies if It comes across a bit all over the place as a result. I hope you weirdos who are into this kind of stuff like me enjoyed it, and hey, maybe I converted a few of you!


End file.
